Pudsey: The Movie - Rant and Rave Review

Sometimes in life you feel like you've made serious mistakes and made poor decisions. Decisions which fill you with overloading amounts of pain and anger that you cannot forget about. It really shatters your soul into a millions pieces. Your friends and family constant interrogation which wants you to just curl up in a ball and shut yourself away from humanity. Sadly this happened to me last month when I decided to spend 8 quid of my money, which I earned with my blood, sweat and tears, at the cinema to watch Simon Cowell's production's masterpiece, Pudsey: The Movie. From looking at the trailers it scared me. It shook me to my core. It looked like something that CBBC was about to commission the 1990's and then bosses thought, "Do you know what? I think we should re-run 3 episodes of Chucklevision instead." Whoever had to do the marketing for this film must have felt like an absolute tool. What redeeming features could they possibly find to promote this film to the masses. Well by the looks of the trailer, they couldn't be bothered anyway. What they did was summarise the entire film in 2 minutes, so there was no need for anybody to bother going to the pictures and give Simon Cowell any of their hard earn money. What was also highlighted in the trailer was that the film was from the director of Horrid Henry: The Movie. Wow what a quality and successful film that was. Cost £10 million and made £10 million. Cowell definitely picked the best director for the job. Mr Nick Moore. Who by the way couldn't create a good film even if he had Christopher Nolan in one ear and Steven Spielberg in the other. Awful choice.

The plot is simply a family who adopt Pudsey. They move to the countryside into a grotty old house which is owned by an evil businessman who plans to demolish the house and build a shopping centre on the land. Pudsey has to save the day. Fantastic, I bet that story was months in the making. Hours of careful planning went into that storyboard. The villain's motives are copied directly from Mrs Browns Boy's D'Movie. Not only did they copy somebody else's idea, they copied it from an appalling cinematic atrocity! The film is shot so poorly that I think the director only took one shot of every scene and said "That'll do." It screams out laziness from the very beginning of the film and it continues throughout. The story is so horrifically boring, that even the actors looked like they were day dreaming on set. Being the back end of the donkey in the Christmas play might have been a better role to go for. I feel deeply sorry for Pudsey, who sadly had to endure the agonising pain of being the star of this film, because he's such an intelligent dog. I love what dance moves he can do, it's timeless entertainment. The film to put it bluntly, insults him. Not only does David Walliams make him sound like an utter inbasul but he does some really idiotic things along the way, which are not funny or clever and make his character like the typical average stupid dog e.g. obsessed with sausages and having to reference that every ten minutes. That's horrible. Poor Pudsey. Not only does the film insult Pudsey, but it insults it's main audience too. Children. The writing is ridiculously cheesy and makes you question what age the person is. I wrote a better script in primary school with my mates, doing a role play on the playground killing orcs with my crooked stick. The kids in the theatre were bored out of their minds, even this lad in front of me got up and told his mum, "I'm waiting outside, I hate it." He had the guts to walk out, which I didn't have. Good lad! Stupid cheesy scripts just don't work with kids anymore. Quality family films such as How to Train Your Dragon 2 is something which I'd take my child to see. It teaches them more about life and certain morals which can help them to do the right things. This film at least teaches them that pigs can't actually lay eggs, they drop big poo's out instead. That genuinely happens. A pig who believes it's a chicken. Nobody laughed by the way, not even the smaller kids. Embarrassing. Just summed up the movie for me.

This film is a middle finger to anybody who has the IQ higher than a turnip and treats a brilliant dog like a moron too. I'm glad this film lost a million quid. Good on the general public for not coming to watch this piece of diarrhea. You might be thinking "But Dan it's only a kids film." It is but then so is Frozen, how good of kids film is that? The Lego Movie is a kids film and that's terrific. These are the films that you should spend your hard earned money on. Don't put it in Simon Cowells deep pockets. Hopefully the flop of this venture will make sure his entertainment company stays well clear of any film material. Because nobody gives a dog turd. 

1/10. That 1 goes to Pudsey himself.

Rant over! :D 

Lucy - Film Review

Lucy, is the new action thriller from director Luc Besson and stars Scarlett Johansson as a woman studying in Taipei, who incidentally gets captured and forced to test a new drug which enhances more of the brains capacity, as humans currently only use 10%. As Lucy unlocks more of her brain's capacity she in turn becomes more powerful and can be a Jedi it seems and use force like powers to move objects and change her surroundings. Morgan Freeman plays a scientist who is researching the brain and it's usage and how it can be expanded and potentially become more powerful and his and Lucy character come together to stop the drug from getting into the wrong hands.

Besson has previously produced a number of action films such as the Transporter series, Hitman, Colombiana and the Taken franchise. He also directed The Fifth Element, a classic sci-fi starting Bruce Willis. The man has plenty of experience with creating an action film. And from the way the film looks, this is definitely the case. The film looks very sleek and crisp has been shot with care and attention. The editing is flawless so there is a very consistent tone throughout. The film is very fast paced, similar to Taken, so you're kept on your toes with plenty of action sequences to satisfy the adreneline. Scarlett Johansson's performance is excellent. She is charming whilst being an absolute badass for 90mins. You buy that she is a killing machine, firing guns left, right and centre at all the bad guys. Pretty heavenly. She has been on a big roll the last couple of years with films such as Under the Skin, Don Jon and Captain America : The Winter Solider. She is proving to be a top actress. I don't fancy her at all by the way....

Lucy whilst being entertaining, does have many glaring problems which can't be glossed over with a hot girl with guns. Firstly there is no clear plot. I really tried hard to figure out why certain scenes were happening to advance the story but it's so confusing and nonsensical, that it really forces you out of the film to the point of not caring. On the subject of not caring, the main character Lucy. She's too overpowered too quickly so within the first 30mins, she really could have instantly killed all the bad guys (they don't have any development as characters, they are just bad guys) and that would have been game set and match. After her brain goes over 20% you really don't care about Lucy because not once after she's has the drug is she ever in any real danger. Even the biggest action characters in cinema e.g. John McClane, Indiana Jones are always at some point up against the odds and that's why you get behind them characters, you want them to fight back.

Another big problem is the science involved. If anybody who has an interest in science and goes to watch the film, they will harp on that the 10% brain capacity idea is a complete myth and it's utter nonsense. I don't think I would have had a problem with that aspect of the film but for some reason, somebody decided to include these wildlife clips from a David Attenborough documentary, which came across as trying to be too clever and completely took me out of the film. It didn't look stylish at all, it completely missed the mark. A poor decision. Morgan Freeman plays Morgan Freeman. It could have been any actor but he did what he had to do. It's the same role as he had in Transcendence earlier this year. The film is also too much like the film Limitless with Bradley Cooper which was released in 2011. It's a very similar plot idea which Limitless executes better as an all round film.

Lucy is such a polarising film. It has some brilliant aspects such as Scarlett Johansson's acting and the well crafted action scenes but there are so many problems, that it really affects the film on a huge scale. The issues just anchor the film from what could have been a fun and exciting summer action thriller. But annoyingly this isn't the case.

5/10

Remembering Robin Williams

2002. Back then I was very short 8 year old, who worshiped football and pretended to be a massive WWE wrestler with crazy badass moves from the top rope aka the arm of the sofa. Now I still love football but I've realised grappling with half naked men in tight pants isn't my future. It was also the year I watched Mrs Doubtfire for the first time. The lead actor was a man who had me giggling constantly for 2 hours, running about in drag, creating all kinds of wacky antics that I couldn't get enough of. I watched the film about a month ago. In my head I was thinking...... a man has lost access to his kids so he becomes a tranny nanny in order to see them...... yeah how on earth could that absurd plot become a comedy classic. Only one man could have made that film work, Robin Williams.

Robin Williams was such an icon. Many top name comedians look up to him as a huge inspiration for their work. I wouldn't blame them. The man had so much talent. He was so quick and witty that the jokes just naturally flowed effortlessly. His random sporadic improvising style worked in a way that didn't make come across as arrogant and he could make crowd after crowd roar with laughter, selling out gigs all over the planet. Not only was he a naturally gifted comedian, he was an amazing actor who had unlimited charisma on screen. He was credited in over 100 films, some of which are excellent and some are utter tripe. But no matter how poor the film was, you'd rarely see somebody criticise his performance, because of his likability. I have so many great memories of Robin Williams films. Mrs Doubtfire was one of them. Here are a few more.......

I remember having Hook on video back in the day. Me and my sister used to watch it most weekends. It stars Robin as Peter Banning/Peter Pan, a very successful lawyer who becomes out of touch with his family, creating many broken promises. He forgets everything about his childhood. Neverland, The Lost Boys and his old foe Captain Hook, played by Dustin Hoffman. When his 2 children are captured by Hook, Peter must learn to reclaim his youthful spirit that he lost in order to challenge his old enemy and become a father again. It's such a fun 90's film that had so many quotable lines and you could only smile at Robin's warm and comforting presences on screen. Watching a man who had such a very bland, stilted lifestyle find who he really was inside was really uplifting and I still think the film is very underrated.

Jumanji is another childhood film which I still remember fondly. A board game coming to life and creating utter havoc was great entertainment and the film was scary at times. Robin Williams wrestling a crocodille and getting sunk into the attic floor whilst being attacked by massive spiders. Argghhhhh hide! That was the stuff of nightmares. I used to think the CGI was amazing, which now does look a little dated but it still felt real to me! It's still a great family film.

A film that I saw recently wasn't the typical Robin Williams film that I was use to growing up with. It's the film that he won an Oscar for his perfect portrayal as psychologist Sean Maguire, Good Will Hunting. He was so perfect in that role even real life therapists learnt from his penetrative deliverance. I don't think I've ever heard that been mentioned about an actor before, incredible acting. It was the first time I saw him in a dramatic role and it showed how much of an all round talent he was. Not many actors can be a brilliant entertainer and switch into a very serious but controlled character. The film is brilliantly acted and written by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. A very powerful and uplifting movie.

The final film on my list is mine and many other people's favourite Robin Williams performance. And he wasn't physically on screen but it felt like he was there with you, being that warm character and friend that you need in your life. The Genie in Aladdin. His improvising skills are the best I've ever heard and they shone through in this Disney classic. The jokes, the impressions and references to pop culture were for the most part completely off script. He created an entirely new script by rolling it off his tongue. Disney recorded a days worth of recordings from Williams and they somehow had to pick his best lines for a 90 minute feature. Where would you even start?! He made that film his own, he was the star. If you look at posters for Aladdin, the Genie tends to be the main character that draws your attention and not Aladdin himself. Completely unheard of for a Disney film. The secondary character was the selling point. It also meant that more well known actors began to get involved in animation projects. A pioneer.

The term there will never be a person like this gets thrown around far too much, but Robin Williams was a unique character. He was a absolute genius that all generations beloved. A great man who sadly brought so much happiness to everyone in the world but not himself. Rest in peace Robin. I'll miss you dearly.

   

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - Movie Review

Motion capture technology is continuously advancing year after year. I remember watching The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers in the cinema when I was 8, not remotely bothered by Gollum because all I wanted to do was be Gandalf. Just watching him lead the Rohirrim into the battle of Helms Deep like an insane old badass blew my tiny little brain away. Even though I'm meant to be an adult, deep down I still want to be Gandalf. It was only until my teenage years and read the LOTR books that I appreciated Gollum so much more as a character. Gollum was a big breakthrough in film and for motion capture. It was the first real time motion system that imputed the actions of Andy Serkis into the computer generated Gollum whilst he was acting. I have massive respect for Andy Serkis. The amount of effort he has put into developing motion capture has been immense. He is the pioneer of this type of technology. I remember him saying in an interview that when he first went onto the set filming in a spandex suit with sensors all over him, people couldn't stop laughing and didn't take it seriously at all. A gimmick. The gamble for him paid off and now he's being recruited as a consultant to many films attempting to use motion capture. There has been numerous debate between the film community on how much of Serkis's character success is down to himself as an actor with the various body language and voice overs, and how much assistance does the technology have with his performances. The prequel to this film Rise of the Planet of the Apes showed me that Caesar, played by Serkis, was a not only a brilliant visual character but that the acting shone through. This new film should put any doubters to bed.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes continues the story from its predecessor 10 years later, with Caesar and the apes creating a new home just outside San Francisco, home to the remaining human survivors of a deadly man-made virus who try to regain some form of power by using the old dam, which is sitting on the land occupied by the apes. A power struggle ensues between the humans and the apes, as well as a power struggle between the apes themselves. Firstly this film looks absolutely fantastic. Every single scene is shot with so much care and attention, that it creates such a engrossing atmosphere that keeps you hooked. The film's visual effects are in a different league.  The apes look incredible. The motion capture work is so detailed that you immediately buy into them as characters, because they all have different faces and expressions. You can tell that they aren't just CGI creations made with just the tech guys, they're actual actors. It's a break taking experience that I've never seen in a cinema before. The character of Caesar is so interesting and intriguing, that you care about him so much. Andy Serkis is faultless as Caesar. He has acting talent in abundance. If there are still critics who believe motion capture isn't true acting, you're wrong. This is one of the best acting experiences I've seen this year. It's not just Caesar who has character development, the entire main cast has a back story, so you can understand where the character is coming from and why they feel in certain ways. Because of this, you feel sympathetic towards the "villains" in the film and you understand the motives for their actions. It's fantastic writing. The human performances lead by Jason Clarke and Gary Oldman are very natural and feel grounded. They don't try and hog the spotlight because ultimately it's Caesars film and they do a great job. Oldman in one scene showed his acting class that brought out so emotion without even saying a line. Not only is it a quality film, it still has the popcorn summer blockbuster action film aspects, with the big fight scenes and the apes shooting weapons on horses, which again are shot to perfection. 

The director deserves the biggest credit for this film's success. What Matt Reeves has done is combine a powerful story with compelling characters and still have a big summer film feel with well crafted action scenes, which have so much entertainment value. It's very hard to achieve but he has done it. Faultless acting, great story, crazy action. It's my perfect kind of movie. Best film of the year so far.

10/10

Will The Purge become the next big horror film franchise?

Horror franchises go on massive rollercoaster rides. Usually the first film is top quality, followed by a mediocre sequel. Then after that you get even more sequels or remakes and unfortunately they tend to be utter toilet bowl material. Take the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. The original 1974 film is a classic piece of cinema. It mixes the gore and brutal terror with fantastic acting and is the creator of the "slasher" horror film. The second film released in the 80's wasn't initially well received. however it now has a cult following with horror fans. However the other sequels and the recent remakes are absolutely shocking and not in a good way. Texas Chainsaw 3D released last year was that bad, I just had to laugh at the pure idiocy at some of the characters. Everyone in the cinema was laughing, popcorn was flying and I can't fault them for that. What a terrible film. My personal favourite horror franchise of the 21st century has to be Final Destination. The absolutely insane and ludicrous ways that the characters get killed off are brilliant. I wanna know who comes up with these death ideas. Whoever you are, you're a sick but creative human being and I love you because it's hilarious! 

The Purge came out last year and I was quite exciting for it. The concept of having a 12 hour period every year to do whatever you pleased, was unique. It had plenty of potential going for it. And it turned out to be one of the most frustrating films of the year. The film plot was created by a completely stupid 7 year old kid, who's Dad ironically made his living from selling purge proof security systems, deactivated their home's systems to let a random bloke into their house, whilst there are people running around in the streets committing murder. Great idea! So without that incident, their wouldn't be a film. Annoying. The film then turned into the generic slasher horror film, it wasn't anything special. Plus the main villain looked like a wannabe Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. The film however did make huge return. With a budget of only $3 million, The Purge made just shy of $90 million. With these numbers, Universal was quick on the case to get a sequel into development, with release due for July 17th.  The sequel sees the return of the previous director/writer James DeMonaco, who has been quoted as saying that if this new film is just as big of a success, more films will be released. As I've mentioned, there's is potential for this film franchise. It's cheap to produce and people seemed to have interest in this sequel. The plot this time is set in L.A so this film is going bigger, which I think is what it needed. The original just didn't feel suited to a claustrophobic house setting. A bigger city setting = more carnage and that's what I wanna see. 

Will this be as successful as the SAW and Paranormal Activity franchises? I reckon it will be. It's got plenty of different avenues to explore. It won't be an iconic film in terms of being groundbreaking, but with the momentum and interest that The Purge has, I wouldn't be surprised if we see a new film every year. Fingers crossed it won't get any worse the longer the series goes on, but like the majority of horror sequels, I highly doubt it.

What do you think of The Purge? Do you think we'll see a conveyor belt of these films? Let me know in the comments below :D

Transformers: Age of Extinction - Film Review

The Transformers film franchise has divided opinion. The majority of critics hate it, mostly pointing the finger at director Michael Bay. However the films have made over $3 billion at the box office, making it one of the most successful franchises of all time, on a level with Pirates of the Caribbean. I really enjoyed the first Transformers film. The special effects were great and it was a proper big summer action blockbuster where you could fill your face with popcorn and make a massive mess all over the floor. Then it dramatically it went downhill. The 2nd film was a trip to the toilet after having a bad kebab and the 3rd film was just about watchable. They were far too long, a stupid cheesy script, crappy acting and storyline that had been recycled from the first film. Two proper cash grabs. But the public still liked them and they still want more. Maybe people just like the same repetitive film over and over again. Transformers 4 however was looking a different prospect. Shia LaBeouf has been ditched for Mark Wahlberg to lead a brand new cast included the talented Stanley Tucci. So was this a new fresh start that might see the critics persuaded to get on board the Transformers train? Ermmmm..........no.

The big selling point is that people want to see the Transformers fight in big action scenes and that aspect of the film was really impressive. The CGI was brilliant at times. There's a very talented special effects team which Michael Bay has at his disposal, so big thumbs up to them. I was delighted that Mark Wahlberg replaced Shia LaBeouf as the leading actor. If I had to listen to LaBeouf scream OPTIMAAAAASSSS or BUMBLE BEEEEEEE again I would have cringed so hard into my seat that my face would get buried into my knee caps. Mark Wahlberg on every level is so much better. He has the presence and charisma which was missing from the previous films and he actually uses some weapons, so he doesn't stand there really awkwardly and watch the action bypass him unlike LaBeouf''s character. Wahlberg plays an inventor, who is down on his luck and inadvertently buys Optimus Prime. The government are on hunt for the Transformers after the destruction of Chicago in the previous film and now Wahlberg and the Autobots have to escape from the government as well as fighting off the Decepticons. Sound familiar? Because it's exactly the same storyline as the last 3 films! We've seen the corrupt government storyline before. It's such lazy filmmaking and Michael Bay knows it. The film is ridiculously over the top. I know it's meant to be like that but the amount of explosions in this film is unreal. Everything in sight explodes. Film lovers know Michael Bay likes his explosions but this was his own wet dream. I like explosions but when they're constantly getting shoved into your face, you just get sick and tired of the same routine. I reckon secretly he's a pyromaniac. The script was horribly cheesy and may as well been from a bad 1990's action film. Bay tried to throw in his style of humour as well, which isn't funny at all by the way, and you could see the actors were battling to somehow make the dialogue sound reasonable but not even the quality of Stanley Tucci could pull it off. When the Transformers came on screen, it was a completely different story. Watching them battle it out was really entertaining. Optimus Prime riding a DinoBot into action was exciting even if it was only for a brief time. It was frustrating to watch because the Transformers were great but the human side of the film again was terrible. If only we could have a badass Transformers film with just them in it, sod the humans! I blame this all on one man, Michael Bay. Get rid of him and bring in another director that might actually make a quality Transformers film. The potential is there.

Transformers: Age of Extinction sadly gets an extra Michael Bay overdose and that unfortunately ruins what could have been a decent film. Mark Wahlberg is solid as the lead and the Transformers are by far the biggest plus point of the film. The action sequences are terrific and fun to watch but the idiotic script and humour drag the film down like an anchor. The film is way too long for it's own good and the films repetitive set up gets tiring and boring. If you haven't seen Transformers, get the first one on Blu Ray. Watch it at home because it's by far the best film of the franchise and you can have plenty of fun with that. Don't waste your money on this one.

4/10

Chef - Movie Review

To say I'm a skinny shrimp, I love my food. My earliest memories are of me devouring my Grandma's jam sandwiches like the Tasmanian Devil after a weeks starvation period. I consume more KFC's, Subways and McDonalds meals than one of those rather obese people as seen on a Channel 5 documentary. But strangely, I still have the appearance of a lifeless twig, who on first look only seems to eat when close to dying. So as I walked into the cinema Monday afternoon, with good knowledge that the film Chef was going to be 2 hours of food heaven, I prepared myself with plenty of food to munch on whilst attempting to digest (comedy genius) the film's story.

Jon Favreau stars and directs this feel good comedy as Carl Casper, a chef who due to unfortunate circumstances gets slaughtered by a food critic and attempts to rebuild his reputation selling his own street food from a food truck. By going on this food journey, Casper rediscovers his passion for food and rebuilds his relationship with his young son. Jon Favreau, both as the director and as the lead star was terrific. He apparently went to train in a top restaurant chef, just so he could look more convincing as a well renown chef, which he pulls off brilliantly. That extra effort he put in showed on screen and it paid off. The way Favreau directed the film, made you feel like you were in his culinary world and the adventure of going on a food truck, experiencing different food cultures in America. There's a massive amount of heart in this film and the feel good factor is pumping throughout, that even the grumpiest possible humans would raise a smile at the majority of these scenes. The way the film uses social media throughout the film was refreshing to see, even if at times the first act of the film feels like a constant product placement for Twitter. Because the direction is precise and screenplay of the film is sharp and witty, the characters feel like real people. The scenes don't feel set up, they effortlessly flow together and at times the film has the tone of a documentary, which is massive credit to Favreau. Casper's son, played by EmJay Antony, was one of the best child acting performances I've seen for a long time. The way the two play off each other was very touching and didn't feel cheesy once. John Leguizamo's sous chef character brought plenty of comedy to the film. His dynamic with Favreau was brilliantly natural. Casper's wife Sofia Vergara was very sympathetic and sweet in her role as was Scarlett Johansson. Even Dustin Hoffman and Robert Downey Jr make an appearance and their cameos were top notch.

Chef is the perfect film for anyone who wants a break from the big action summer blockbusters. The passion and heart are the key ingredients to a feel good comedy and this delivers. The food looks amazing, the acting is great and the improvisational feel to the script makes Chef a class act and it's charm makes it impossible to not bring a smile to your face. Jon Favreau's best performance as a actor and director and hopefully every now and then when he takes a break from directing big movies, he does more of these low key films. I'd highly recommend the film because I don't believe the film will get enough credit as it should do. Definitely check this one out. 

Rating : 9/10